As I sit down to write this, I find myself feeling vulnerable- a sensation that doesn't sit easily with me. Yet, I recognize how important it is to share. As an adult, maintaining friendships is one of the hardest relationships ever. I see people who have been friends for 20-plus years, and I'm not going to lie- I get jealous when I scroll through social media and see two friends who have shared decades of life, laughing, supporting each other, and growing; it strikes me as beautiful. If you have that, you are truly blessed.
Like any relationship, friendships require nurturing, intentionality, and effort, especially as we grow older. As responsibilities pile up in careers, families, and personal growth - making time for meaningful friendships often feels like a distant goal. It can be even more challenging when God seems to redirect your focus inward, asking you to invest more in your relationship with Him before He leads you to deeper connections with others.
The Psychology of Friendship in Adulthood
As we navigate adulthood, the psychology of friendships shifts. While childhood friendships we often formed based on proximity or shared interests, adult friendships require intentional effort. Research suggests that one of the most significant factors in maintaining friendships as we age is reciprocity- the give-and-take dynamic that creates a mutual sense of trust, respect, and support (NCBI).
But what happens when friendships feel one-sided, or when you're in a season where meaningful relationships seem out of reach?
The Bible offers wisdom here, reminding us of the importance of seasons in life. Ecclesiastes 3:1 states: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."
This verse is a comfort in those times of loneliness or friendship drought. God may be using this season to grow something within you- to teach you reliance on Him and to show you how to be the kind of friend He wants you to be. God sometimes leads us into seasons of solitude to deepen our reliance on Him. During these times, we can grow the most spiritually, learning to trust Him fully. He wants to be our ultimate friend, the one we turn to in every situation. This season can be an opportunity to build a solid foundation in your relationship with God, which will enrich all your future friendships.
Friendship With God Comes First
At the heart of every friendship, especially as Christians, is the reality that our ultimate friendship is God. In John 15:15, Jesus says: "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."
This passage is a powerful reminder that before we are called into friendships with others, we are invited into a friendship with God. Jesus calls us friends, offering us the deepest, most reliable connection we can have.
When we focus on deepening our relationship with God, He fills the void that human friendships cannot. This doesn't mean we no longer desire earthly friendships, but it allows us to approach relationships from a place of security rather than neediness. We can extend grace, love, and patience, knowing that our fulfillment comes from God first.
Trusting God's Timing For Friendships
While it might feel lonely sometimes, there is peace in knowing that God's timing is perfect. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us:
This is true not only in the grand scheme of life but also in the smaller details, like friendships. God is preparing you, and He's also preparing the right people to walk alongside you in faith, growth, and encouragement.
The Importance of Vulnerability and Intentionality
Once we do begin forming friendships, the key to maintaining those relationships is vulnerability and intentionality. Opening up to others about our struggles, hopes, and faith takes courage. But vulnerability creates intimacy. James 5:16 encourages us to: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed."
Sharing with others not only brings healing to your own soul but strengthens the bond of friendship. It's in these moments of honesty that deep, lasting connections are formed.
Intentionality is equally important. In the busyness of life, friendships require effort. This might mean scheduling time to catch up with someone, joining a Bible Study group, or simply texting to check in. Small gestures of intentionality often lead to the most meaningful connections.
Embrace The Process
Friendship is a journey, and sometimes that journey includes detours of solitude. However, solitude is never wasted. God uses these times to shape us, drawing us closer to Him and preparing us for the relationships that lie ahead.
In this season, lean into your friendship with God. Seek Him first, and trust that in His perfect timing, He will bring the friendships you need into your life. In the meantime, continue to be the friend you long to have- kind, patient, and full of grace. As Proverbs 18:24 says:
Let your ultimate friendship be with the One who sticks closer than any earthly friend, and from that place, all other relationships will flow.
I pray that this post will help you to seek Jesus and to know that all things will follow. I love you but God loves you so much more.
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Be Blessed!
Blieszner R, Ogletree AM, Adams RG. Friendship in Later Life: A Research Agenda. Innov Aging. 2019 Mar 30;3(1):igz005. doi: 10.1093/geroni/igz005. PMID: 30949589; PMCID: PMC6441127. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30949589/